i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I die, sorry about rent.
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