he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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