New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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