Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
