dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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