I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
COCAINE IS GR8
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
