I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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