so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
