can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
