I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
