your room smells of hookers.
And success
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
