Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
