Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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