Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
