He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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