he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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