Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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