Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
