I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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