apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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