There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
