After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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