Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
