Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
