Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
