Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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