I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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