"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
