Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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