turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
