I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
