so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
