Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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