I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
whose parrot is this?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
