If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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