so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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