He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
