i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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