is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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