How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
