well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
