If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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