She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
