i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
