Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
