I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
