Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is Oprah even human
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
