I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
