Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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