Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize