I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
