talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
