btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
