Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
