I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
