you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
