Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
