i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
