your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
