dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
