You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
