Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
