she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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