you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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