Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
