Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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