Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
