all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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