I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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